The Return of Dr. Archie O. Logist

"Hi, Rich, how are you doing?"

Uh, oh, I thought. That sounds like Dr. Archie O. Logist.

After the fiasco over cave paintings depicting the first fly-fisherman at the abandoned Black Midnight Quarry 30 years ago, Dr. Archie O. Logist lost his research position at the prestigious Ganister Technical Institute and moved away. However, when the institute found that losing his research contributions to its Phenomenology Department were devastating, they lured him back with a sizable contract. However, he moved on to a larger university about 10 years ago, and I thought my biggest critic was off my back.

"Oh, hi, Arch. What are you doing here? Visiting?" I hoped.

"Nope. I returned to Ganister Tech a couple of weeks ago. I hope to retire from there. I live just down the block now. I've been reading your column, even before moving back. You're getting sloppy. You ignored the game commission's deer harvest figures this year. Why?"

Here we go, I thought.

"It doesn't matter what I write," I told him. "The commission is going to tell us whatever it wants us to believe. Their biologists told us that 376,000 deer were killed by hunters last year. These biologists also told us that about 40 percent were harvested by archers. And, maybe they're right."

"Get real, Rich. These biologists insist that one in five hunters tags a buck. Does one out of every five deer hunters you know tag a buck?"

"Maybe," I began.

"Well, if they do, how many do it on public land? The PGC's spokesmen don't admit that most deer are now harvested on private land. Only a small number come from overharvested game lands. With archery season set to start soon, you ought to be writing about this," Dr. Archie insisted.

He continued, "Since you're such a 'great' turkey hunter, you ought to be willing to write about the things the commission has done to try to ruin turkey hunting."

"I do that regularly," I protested. "I've written about the unnecessary harvest of extra gobblers during the spring season because the commission wants to sell $500,000 worth of tags. I've written about the commission's inconsistent policy of shortening the fall turkey season to save turkeys while allowing the harvest of an extra 4,000 birds during the spring."

"Okay, I have noticed you actually do that. And, I'll give you credit for opposing the marten reintroduction, too. But, I'll be keeping my eye on your column to make sure you're paying attention."

I am sure he will.