OT Wit and Humor

It seems the Old Testament often gets a bad wrap. People tend to view it as dry and boring, a list of rules that don’t apply, a bunch of whiny prophets that go on and on, or they see it as a bunch of wild stories that could not have possibly happened. Just to clarify: these are not my views. In fact, I tend to be the polar opposite of all of these. Maybe my perspective is just askew. Today I thought it would be fun to list some highlights in the Old Testament that I find to be witty, humorous or intriguing.

“Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.”

In 1 Samuel 21, David is on the run from Saul who is trying to kill him. He flees and goes to King Achish of Gath. However, the servants of King Achish know of David’s reputation as a leader and warrior and they begin to talk. This scares David so he fakes insanity, literally, slobbering and making marks on the gate. In the movie “As Good As It Gets” Jack Nicholson delivers the famous line: “Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.” This reminds me of King Achish who had his own snarky remark on David’s wacky actions: “Achish said to his servants, ‘Look at this man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house?’” (1 Samuel 21:14-15, NIV) I laugh every time I read this.

A Reputation For Wild Driving

If you were to think that crazy drivers are a new thing that didn’t come along until the invention of the automobile, you would be wrong. It would seem that wild and reckless driving date the whole way back to at least 2 Kings and probably before. Amidst the drama unfolding in 2 Kings 9, we find Jehu barreling down the road at top speed in his chariot. Riders have been sent out to deliver messages to him but none of them are coming back, they’re all following him instead. A lookout is reporting the play-by-play action to King Joram.

“The lookout reported, ‘He has reached them, but he isn’t coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi-he drives like a madman.’” (2 Kings 9:20, NIV)

Yes, even in the Old Testament, folks were known by their driving style, some worse than others.

Pssst, I Have A Message From God For You…

In Judges we find Ehud, a left handed fellow (that’s an important detail for later in the story) who is sent to the king of Moab with a tribute. Being a leftie, he straps a double edged sword to his right thigh, hidden under his clothes where no one suspects. After delivering the tribute he says that he has a secret message for the king, who the Bible notes “was a very fat man” (also an important detail to the story.) Naturally the king wants to know what this super secret message could be, so he sends everyone away to hear the message in private.

“Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, ‘I have a message from God for you.’ As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed over in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.” (Judges 3:20-23, NIV)

Ouch. How sly though, to use the old “I’ve got a message from God for you” line. There’s a little more to that story. Feel free to investigate for yourself.

I Don’t Think So

In 1 Samuel 5, we find the ark of God captured by the Philistines. The Philistines decide to put it in the temple of Dagon. Now Dagon is the god that the Philistines worship. Imagine if you will, what God must have thought about that. He made it pretty clear what he thought.

“Then they carried the ark into Dagon’s temple and set it beside Dagon. When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the Lord! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained.” (1 Samuel 5:2-4 NIV)

In my mind I picture God giving the statue of Dagon a disgusted look and flicking it over with his finger. I appreciate that the Philistines find it face down in front of the ark of God, not once but twice. They also were stricken with tumors. That’s what the nicey-nice NIV version calls them. The “tumors” are also known as emerods, or as we know them to be: hemorrhoids.

There’s also the time Elijah smack talked the prophets of Baal and the ride or die attitude of Jonathan’s armor bearer, but alas, we’re out of room. Until next time.