Not Your Typical Church Lady

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

~Proverbs 13:12 (CJB)

This has been a year of hope deferred. All the plans and dreams we had at the beginning of the year were thrown into the trash like common garbage: proms, graduations, family vacations, community events. Even mourning was taken from us. There were no goodbyes and no funerals allowed. Every shred of light that was shining its way to us was shut off. All this deferral of hope, week after week, makes the heart sick.

Every time a ray of hope pokes its way through, it is short lived. Every time it looks as though we'll be able to resume normal every-day living, the governor decrees another mandate. Every time it looks like the schools can finally put together a plan to further education, roadblocks, restrictions and "guidelines" are thrown into their laps. Every time a parent gets their ducks in a row for their children this fall, someone comes along and kicks the ducks. Parents who work have spent every minute of every day in agony trying to come up with a solution as to what to do with our children this fall.

Who keeps rearranging our lives and who are we trusting to put our lives back together?

"Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?" (Isaiah 2:22, NIV.)

Yes, why? The mind is a deep and cavernous place. It's easy to get lost in thought. In our human minds we see limited options for our troubles. If man is the one who caused those troubles, we expect man to solve them as well, but he usually just ends up making them worse. We forget about our better option, the real solution, the answer to everything.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet I call this to mind and therefore have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord" (Lamentations 3:20-26, NIV).

Just like manna in the desert, God's compassions are available and new every morning. It is up to us to get up and gather our daily portion, enough for this day. We can't store them up or they get moldy and rot. Our hope must be restored daily. I say it's up to us to gather it because if we don't seek it, we won't find it, even though it's laying right in front of us. If we don't get our fill in the morning, we won't be sustained throughout the day.

We're like sponges. If we're full of God's hope and we get squeezed, hope comes out. If we're full of love and we get squeezed, love comes out. If we're full of despair and we get squeezed, despair comes out. If we're dried up and get squeezed, we crack in half. The important thing is to fill up on God first thing in the morning, every day. If possible, refill throughout the day as needed. There are so many things trying to squeeze the hope out of us. The more time we spend with God, the better our life is, even in difficult circumstances. The Lord is our portion and he is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

Even knowing all of this, and practicing all this, and seeing the evidence that this is true, I still sometimes forget. There are days I have to refill and hover under God's wing every hour and every minute. We all can do this as often as we need to. Much of this year has been spent on my face at the feet of God asking for direction. This I know, and this is certain: God has heard every prayer. They did not fall on deaf ears. He has heard my heart and He has felt every tear that has fallen from my eyes. At the sake of sounding like a spoiled daddy's girl, I think the world should know, He is not too happy about the things I've been telling Him. I know He knows because the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Once the weight is lifted, it's out of my hands and in God's. He has heard your prayers as well, beloved child.

God is biding his time, have faith. I don't know when the answer is coming, but I know that it is and the timing will be perfect. Hope will no longer be deferred.

"The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the Lord, my soul" (Psalm 103:19-22, NIV).