Fear, Grief and Recovery

As a social worker who has worked 40 years with medical and educational problems in public institutions, I am observing the coronavirus, the diverse responses to it, and the conflicts which are evolving personally and socially.

I see that we are in a grief process with all that that brings. We are anxious, angry, trying to negotiate about its reality, denying its presence, and crying with frustration and distress. We are hoping “we will all return to normal.” We are blaming those who were engaged but have not resolved the problem to our liking. We are wanting all to be as it was prior to the development of the virus.

I am empathetic and sympathetic but must confess that I see change ahead and we will not return to the norm of our past quickly, if ever. Much will remain the same but much will also change.

Those of us who do not fall to the virus may need to find new ways of caring, working, producing, moving about, and finding joy, happiness and confidence. We will remember how it was but that will have changed. Hopefully we will continue to adapt in healthy and positive ways. Hopefully we will not drown our sorrows in anger, self-pity, jealousy, withdrawal to depression or drugs (of any sort: hoarding, drugs or alcohol).

Hopefully we will tap hope, faith beyond “the norm,” a more universal understanding of personal and societal needs, and develop new ways to use our resources, skills, interests, knowledge and wisdom. Hopefully we will see renewed commitment to medical care for all of humankind … true public health. Hopefully we will see the importance of all humans and their contribution to the many essential supply chains.

Hopefully we will reflect on our values and adapt to more moderation, giving more where needed and taking less when we have enough sustenance. If we need to change our restaurants perhaps we will reposition waiters and dishwashers as packers and counter/curbside deliverers. If we need more masks or telecommunication perhaps our factories can “retool” to produce those and other new needed goods. If we find a broken economy which has many business victims perhaps we can bond together, acknowledge the pains and fear, and assist in the healing by supporting new visions and aspirations.

Personally and professionally I do not see our society or the world “returning to normal” in high gear; it will return to a place and style that is different, but we have done that under other circumstances which we could not control, when parents said “no” to our whims, when not getting the girl or boyfriend we desired as teens, when losing a job, when a loved one died, when we had to move for a new job, when illness compromised us. We have practiced loss, experienced grief and we are likely to have to do that again … this time when we are all in it together figuring it out and looking for diminished fear. It is a worldwide challenge all of us face.

Editor’s Note: Donna Heckman Stapleton, M.S.S.A., worked as a hospice social worker, bereavement counselor and program developer. She is the aunt of Herald Publisher Allan J. Bassler.